The Road To Hell Is Paved With Sharpened #2 Pencils

Post by Sarah Almond @ The Sadder But Wiser Girl

I used to be a teacher, and I understand having little to no budget and shrinking federal funding for schools.  Therefore, when school supply lists come out I tend to be fairly understanding when they ask for certain items. While my husband throws a fit, I quietly go to Target and try to get them what they need.
Then I got this year’s school supply list…

Oh.My.Gawd.

Holy crap on a stick, could they get any more specific? What happened to the days when we could pick up some pencils, paper, and a box of crayons and be done with school supply shopping?  Don’t believe me???
 

The following list may or may not be exaggerated.

Pencils:  Seven plain number two pencils precisely sharpened so that they may also function as a weapon.

Crayons:  Must be a box of eight.  Must be Crayola and the exact colors of the rainbow, because kids like rainbows and apparently other colors make people sad.

Glue: Elmer’s, 8 ounces, white, pointy cap because it looks like a gnome and gnomes are funny.

Ruler:  May not be wood, because trees die for that.

Markers:  Must be washable. Must be Crayola and in a box of 10.  Must not weigh more than 12 ounces.
Scissors:  Fiskars brand, bluntness of a 37 degree tip.

Folders: Seven plain folders, no pictures, no gloss, no black, no fun.

Spiral notebooks:  Must be plain, no gloss, no black (WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH BLACK????)

Tissues:  Two boxes, white, 175 count, no antiviral, no lotion, must be Kleenex or Puffs brand and must be as scratchy as possible.  No toilet paper please (we don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea…).

Hand soap:  Antibacterial, must be pink in color, must smell like flowers and not the scent of broken dreams.

What got me was the one thing that they needed to be specific about, they were not.  It simply stated “Stylus”.  WHAT KIND OF STYLUS?  Don’t do this to me!!!!

I’d also like to point out that this list was sent out by the people who are educating our future leaders.  The word pencil sharpener was spelled wrong more than once…

It did not help that my kindergartner was sent two different lists.  After going all over the world trying to find “chubby” pencils from the first list, the second one had nothing of the sort on it.  They got the pencils because I was trying to be a good mom and already wrote her name on the package.  Then I turned around forgot all about kindergarten parent night.  

Yup, it’s gonna be a good year… I can feel it.


THE EPISTOLARIANS

19 comments:

  1. I have successfully dodged the school supply list for years (my kids school supplies everything), and man am I happy! Almost makes the tuition worth it, almost.

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    1. Sounds like you're getting your money's worth if your school supplies everything! I shouldn't complain, but when they get that ridiculously specific I just can't help myself! Thanks for coming over to read!

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  2. Our list was so specific this year! I got them what I could afford so the fifty yellow number two pencils became 55 multi colored number two pencils and the small pack of crayola crayons became a small pack of rose art crayons and so on. In my opinion beggars can't be choosers. ;)

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    1. I think the teachers are probably grateful for anything they can get! I know that I bought a lot out of my own pocket when I was teaching preschool!

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  3. Maybe those sharpened (however it's spelled) pencils are for despondent parents . . .

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    1. LOL! Perhaps. We don't even own a working pencil sharpener at the moment. They certainly don't make them like they used to! We used to have those great metal pencil sharpeners at school. I don't think you can get those anymore!

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  4. Our back to school list has included toilet paper for the elementary grades, along with tissues and paper towels. We homeschool, but every year I have several friends that wonder which organ they can auction off to cover everything.

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    1. The sad thing? This was all in addition to the $75 per child to attend "free" public school.

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  5. HA! So funny. I am not looking forward to this. Why so specific do you think? To protect some kids?

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    1. I get the thing with the folders, because they use certain colors for certain subjects. The other stuff? Not so much.

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  6. Our school has the option of pre-ordering online months before the school year starts, SO I just hit a button and never even see the supplies! They arrive at his desk on the first day of school, all packaged together, and I don't have to do a damn thing. GENIUS. I have friends in other districts who spend entire weekends hunting down supplies so I'm grateful for this little luxury!

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    1. We have that option too. I saw a lot of parents take advantage of it. A little pricey for us, but hey if you've got the money then why not?

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  7. OMG do you live by me? This is my first year. My oldest just started Kindergarten and I couldn't believe how specific the list was. We also have to not only read the 100s of papers that come home each day but check a virtual back pack every Friday and sign up for text messages. I am going to forget or lose something at some point. I guess as long as it's not my actual child I'm doing okay. Great post!

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    1. I am the champion of not knowing and forgetting stuff. Don't feel bad. Virtual back pack????? Interesting...

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  8. Your pencil description was hilarious! I really think requesting specific brands is pushing it! The perfect solution is just buy everything at the dollar store then print out sticky labels: Crayola, Puffs, Elmer's. Stick em on. Ready to go!

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  9. I don't want to brag, but my kid's school provides all school supplies. I've never seen a school supply list, except yours, which was hilarious.

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  10. As a teacher, I can see where they are coming from with their very specific specifications, but as a teacher, I totally know that 1 out of 25 children will arrive with all of those things. The other 24 might bring a used Kleenex, a very broken pencil OR a notebook that has 2 pages left in it. I just use what my school can provide me and hope for the best.

    I love it when I get to know the kids wouldn't dream of coming to my room without a functional pencil and hope I have enough extras for those who didn't even wear 2 of the same shoes to school today.

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Well now that you're all up in our business...what have you got to say for yourself???

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