Getting Lucky Bringing Sex Back Into the Momosphere

Post by Dani @ Suburbia Interrupted
 
Sex.  That taboo word that mothers hate to use, hate to have and hate to talk about (unless it involves bashing their husbands for wanting to get laid).  The irony being that to become a mother, sex was involved.  The irony also being that last year, people spent $1.4 billion on erotica novels, “Fifty Shades of Grey” has sold over 37 million copies worldwide and “Magic Mike” was all my fellow “mommy bloggers” (I hate that term) could talk about. Yet, utter the word sex in a positive way and mothers look at you like you have two heads. 

I am very open about my sex life and I understand that not all mothers are as comfortable as I am when it comes to talking about it.  Having said that, I do not understand when it became such a taboo subject within the momosphere

I enjoy sex. I love to have sex with The Big Guy. My sex life is probably the one thing that helps keep me sane in my chaotic life of raising five kids. Sex is the one part of my day where I can take off my mom hat and just be his   I love the closeness that sex gives The Big Guy and me. I love seeing the pleasure in his eyes. I love feeling the way only he can make me feel. Our sex life is awesome. My friends look at me crazy when I tell them this. I look at them crazy for thinking I am the crazy one. When I bring up the fact that I actually enjoy giving The Big Guy blow jobs, you’d think I just told them I committed a crime. They don’t understand and honestly, I feel bad for them. 

The fact is, my friends and I used to be single, 20-something-year-olds, who went out to bars and clubs, looking to get laid. We had fun, sometimes too much fun. We partied, had one night stands (some we regretted, some we didn't) and we experimented with sex. We went to adult stores and bought vibrators and toys.  We shopped at Victoria’s Secret and Fredrick’s of Hollywood . We were 20-something-year-old woman who were always prepared for sex.  We all enjoyed it.  We all wanted it.  And then, one day, that ended. 

We got married.  We had kids. Our girl’s night out turned into a night of husband bashing and whining about sex.  I once tried to invoke a policy of ‘no husband talk’ while we were out.  That lasted all of two minutes.  My friends have changed.  They have forgotten who they once were, now consumed by the title of mom
When I told these same friends that I was going to openly write about our sex life, I got the looks. I got the questions. “Why would I want to write about sex?”  My answer has always been the same, “why not?”  Why not talk about something we all do, something we all used to enjoy, something that each one of them should still be doing.
 
Brad Pitt once gave an interview in which he said “he loves that Angelina is still as naughty as ever…but only behind closed doors.”  I think that is the hottest thing one can say about their significant other.  Good for them for not forgetting who they were, even after six kids.  I hope The Big Guy feels the same way.  Just because we have kids, doesn't mean our sex life has to end.  It is okay to be a mother and enjoy sex.  It is okay to be a mother and enjoy giving blow jobs and experimenting in the bedroom.  I’m not sure if anything is more empowering to know that I had just fulfilled one of his desires.
 
I am proud to say that over the years, not one of those aspects of our relationship has changed.  I am also proud to say that we continue to fill our sexual desires.  We still experiment.  We still have that ‘shock factor’ when one suggests something and the other is willing to try.  That is the key.  You have to keep that want, that desire for each other.  Do we always experiment?  Of course not.  Sometimes our sex is vanilla, and believe me, there is nothing wrong with vanilla sex.  The point is we are still us. We haven’t let parenthood interfere with us. 

My friends always ask me how the heck I have time for sex.  How I am not too tired for sex.  How I still feel comfortable about having sex with a post baby body.  How I can switch from being a mom to being a woman who wants to get fucked.  It’s easy.  You have to forget all the rest and remember that sex is fun.  Sex feels good.  Sex is something that when the word is uttered, you don’t turn into a pile of ash. Am I always in the mood for a full on sex session?  No. That is when we turn to a quickie in the bathroom while the kids are engrossed in an episode of Spongebob. 

The problem I see with my friends sex lives is that it became too easy to say no.  They got in the habit of denying themselves the pleasure and calmness that having sex would give them.  They have forgotten the point of sex.  I always tell them to go out on a date.  Put on the racy bra that has been hiding in the back of their drawer.  Put on a pair of underwear with a remote controlled vibrator in them and go to the movies.  When it gets dark, hand their husbands the remote and have fun.  Throw away the frumpy shirt they sleep in and sleep naked.  Remember that 20-something girl they used to be.
 
Moms are allowed to have fun, to play, to have multiple orgasms.  Moms are allowed to talk about sex.  Moms are allowed to enjoy it.  Moms are allowed to feel sexy.  Moms are allowed to fuck and get fucked in return.

Sex, for now, may be a taboo subject in the momosphere, but hopefully, with some insight and the knowledge that one of their own is willing to talk about it, things will change….   

5 comments:

  1. AND it relieves stress. . . AND it helps you sleep better. Yes, it's sometimes hard to be in the mood, especially after a tough day, but who can imagine life without it? Great post, so glad you had the guts to go there.

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    1. I love talking about this stuff. It is something we should all be talking about. Doesn't hurt I am not at all shy about this kind of topic ;)

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  2. I honestly wish more women would embrace their sexual desires, and their sexual side. I love sex, and I love giving my partner a blow job. First I have to say that I have always loved sex, and because being a sexy woman is part of who I am, it is important to embrace that side even after kids. My body isn't perfect, but it's mine and it's amazing because it can do things that are amazing. More women need to let go and learn their bodies-- ladies they are magic when you want them to be. You'd be amazed how much more fulfilled you'd be over all if you'd just give in to that side of you. It's not dirty when you're with someone you love (unless of course it's a dirty fantasy night.. then rawr..). I was raised by a mom who taught me sex was a sin outside of marriage, that good girls didn't enjoy sex and that it was only for keeping our husbands happy. So sad. I'm 30, and sex is awesome because I'm not always a good girl but sex doesn't make me naughty unless I let it ;) , and because it's not just for him it's for me too! Time for ladies to take your advice and embrace sex... say it, do it, and love it because I guarantee you will be SO much happier if you're enjoying that physical closeness with your partner!

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  3. I was raised with the same kind of beliefs put onto me by my mother. Thanks so much for the comment. Embrace it, enjoy it, and enjoy the afterglow ;)

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  4. Hi Dani, Very Informative post for me. There is obviously a lot to know about this. I really impressed by your post. feel very similar on this topic but have some new ideas also. I've got one of the adult toys at Madame Claude. Its really nice and perfect for me and my partner. :) If you can please check out.

    ~ Lina

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Well now that you're all up in our business...what have you got to say for yourself???

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