An Open Letter to Jon Stewart

Post by Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife

Dear Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz

Or, as the world knows you, Jon Stewart, lord and master of The Daily Show.
Shabbat Shalom to you, my Jewish prince.

Four nights a week I watch your wit and candor and passion and rage and humor.
Most of the time I agree with you and LOL (laugh out loud) ‘cos you’re so darn funny.
I love most of the skits and sketches and some of the interviews.

To be perfectly honest with you, I fast forward through a lot of interviews (snooze) to get to Your Moment Of Zen.

I’m not writing to boost your ego, get show tickets, or a fake signed picture of you for my bedroom wall (although I wouldn’t turn it down!)

NO, I feel the need to
take pen to paper fire up my MacAir to shake my fist at you, Mr. Lee-boh-vitz!

I take umbrage, sir!

Umbrage I take!

How dare you mock the millions of us who are Etsy creators. HOW DARE YOU!

This is a verbatim quote from The Daily Show, January 23, 2013:

“…it’s all–we get it, you have a glue gun, okay!”

Look at it this way–those of us who are Etsy devotees create beautiful and practical items in a much too harsh and ugly world.

I proudly wield my glue gun and embellish as many things possible with seashells, rocks, and beach glass. From toilets to walls to my front door, there’s a seashell wherever you go. Want a mirror surrounded by seashells? I’ve got several to choose from and I’ll give you a great price, you know, us both being Jewish and all. (Come see me after the show.)

This is a call to arms! Glue gun enthusiasts UNITE! We need to organize and hire a lobbyist and storm the White House and Congress and raise awareness for the plight of the glue gunners. We need some appropriations–we NEED laws protecting our right to bear glue guns.

You really hurt my feelings with your scoffing and derision of Etsy. I think you and I need to sit down and glue a few seashells on a picture frame and you’ll see it from a whole different perspective. Whadddya say?

You could make it all better by inviting me to appear on The Daily Show with my glue gun(s) and a selection of my creative wares–and we’re not talking only gluing here–my tugboat captain husband is an expert in marlinspike seamanship. On long journeys across the oceans he weaves magnificent jewelry and covered bottles and picture frames. 

I’m looking at my schedule right now–I’m free just about anytime.

 So…I’ll be waiting for your call.

Yours very truly,

Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife

12 comments:

  1. This is cleverly written. Love it ... and the true subject matter. Hoping you get that invitation!
    Cheers.
    Patti Wunder
    Easton Place (online and on Etsy!)

    ReplyDelete
  2. So do I! What a great forum to talk about the wonderful world of Epistolarians!

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  3. If you get invited, can I tag along. I'd be happy to punish Jon like the dirty boy he is.

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    Replies
    1. Oh he is naughty, isn't he? Maybe we should all gang up on him! Great idea!

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  4. I love your writing. I hope Jon reads this and corrects his ways. As a fellow Etsy store owner I am getting my pitchfork sharpened. :)

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    Replies
    1. OK you have your pitchfork and I'll heat my glue gun to lava hot oozing stickiness and we'll go for it! Thank you so much for your kind comment!!

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  5. I can hold all your seashells....can I act as your helper if you get called?!!

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    Replies
    1. I'm now thinking that we need to fill all the seats in the audience. I plan to read all comments and give a shout out to you and everyone! (That's if he calls which he does in my fantasy world)

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  6. I will wield my glue gun and come with you for back up.

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    Replies
    1. We'll tag team him. Like that iconic Charlie's Angels' poster where the three of them are wielding guns, remember? Glue guns rule!
      (and hurt like hell)

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  7. So cute & I love my glue gun!!! It's been a bit neglected as of late but I love it nonetheless! Great post!

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  8. Glad you liked it! Fire up that glue gun and start embellishing!

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Well now that you're all up in our business...what have you got to say for yourself???

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